A Good Day?

So today started off with a morning that could have signified an epically horrible day.

I dragged myself at of bed at 6:30 am to head to the gym to do my 5x400 meter sprints on the treadmill. I did them by walking .25 miles at 4.0 and then running .25 miles at 6.0 so I ended up with 2.5 miles. Toward the end I had to make my walking/recovering time a little slower so that my heart rate would go down, it was jumping up into the 190's! But, unfortunately, the last .02 of my LAST sprint I was thinking the entire time of not puking... I had to stop immediately and take deep breaths but unfortunately I had to grab my junk really quickly and make a brisk bee-line to the bathroom where I (thank GOODNESS) made it to that blessed toilet and heaved for several minutes. Next time I'll have to run my sprint a little slower at 5.8 or so and possibly run on the treadmills closer to the bathroom. Then I started "that time" while I was getting ready for work. Ugh.

Next, the girls at work were trying to make me want to kill myself all day even though I, through the goodness of my heart and apparently naive optimism, took them to the pool. Although, they did take an almost 2 hour nap later, I ended up with a splitting headache.

BUT BUT BUT, I was surprised with a day off tomorrow! Hooray! I'm going to spend the day doing my workout and tanning at the pool BY MYSELF and then cleaning the house. It'll be a good day.

PLUS, I'm down to 139.6, 3.2 lbs down from Monday and that can't be too bad since I'm sure I'm also bloating from my period which makes that amazing!  So instead of having a horrible day like I could have, I'm actually in a general pleasant mood! I've done every workout so far that's on my schedule and I feel so different now. Like everything clicked. I'm not struggling with not wanting to eat this way or having to workout. Ever since I worked out with the trainer on Monday I realized how much better it makes me feel. Like a detox of bad feelings, like I'm cleaner (even though I sweat buckets).

Tomorrow? Tomorrow is a 3 mile run, which will be ran outside so that I can soak up some more glorious sunshine.

A New Day!

Today is a beautiful day outside, so what does that mean?? Well. I'll tell you. It means that I am going to brave running outside on the road by my parents house in front of people. I know it's irrational to let 8 lbs change how you feel about running in front of people so I'm going to slap on my headphones and force myself to do it. Kicking my irrational fears in the face! Hayah! 

Also, now that it's summer I'm starting to get back into smoothies again. Last night, at the barbeque I made a fruit soup! It was essentially blended frozen peaches, orange juice, mango juice, and vanilla fat-free yogurt and I had some for breakfast this morning and it's awesome. (side note: if you add coconut rum it makes an awesome drink also...)

So today I have my run (we'll see how far I make it...2-4 miles?) and I have my last personal training session with my mom's trainer. 

It'll be a good day =) (despite weighing in at 142.8) awesome awesome.

My day...

So my day didn't go as planned. It's so SO easy to say you'll do something but then to take the easy road. It is so much easier to eat what's in front of you than to say no. We had a ton of people over at my parents' house with ribs and bread and roasted potatoes so suffice it to say, I didn't end the day well. But tomorrow is a fresh start right? RIGHT! Tomorrow begins my 16 week training plan for the Denver Rock n Roll Half Marathon! I guess it's as good a time as any start eating healthy again.

I promise myself that I will be good to my body in all ways.

Honesty

Being honest to yourself is hard. It's hard to realize that your efforts have been only half-assed, that you haven't put your whole self into your health or fitness. That you've only been half living for the past several months dipping in and out of depression. Even now I'm not quite sure as I'm making promises and plans if they'll follow through or if I'll be dedicated enough, if this will be another one of those times that I will fail only to end up deeper into a depression with lower self-esteem and another five lbs on my body. 

But, I can't convince myself to stop trying. As much as my self-worth shouldn't be tied to my weight, I also realize it's mostly about how I physically feel. Physically I feel tired and drained all the time. Even though I sleep between 9 and 10 hours a night it's a restless sleep and lately I've been finding myself  exhausted and needing a nap by the middle of the day. I can hardly drag myself to the gym or outside to exercise because I'm embarrassed to be seen. The cellulite on my legs, the jiggle of my arms, the muffin top that is constantly escaping over my jeans. I can't ignore what I'm doing to myself anymore as I run out of clothes to hide the extra weight. I see it in my face, the extra roundness that I can't cleverly hide using different angles in pictures anymore.

So here I am, I've come to the conclusion that there's no other way but to overcome my fears at the gym (I still can't face running outside as cars pass) and to dedicate myself to eating healthy. My clothes don't fit, even my size 4's aren't 'truly' size 4's anymore with how stretched they are and one of my best friends and old roommate is getting married 3 weeks from tomorrow and my bridesmaid dress doesn't fit. I suffer no illusions that I can lose 12 lbs by then to fit into my bridesmaids dress and I'm positive I'll be purchasing a new one in a size 6 but I can at least work on myself until then. 

Today, this morning, I weighted in at 142.4. The highest weight I've been in years and my plea to God is that I'll never see that number again. I've decided to cut my sugar intake drastically because I believe that I have a sugar addiction and it's been triggering several of my binges. Today, being the first day, I almost let myself binge, telling myself that I'll start on Monday. And aren't Mondays the best day to start diets anyway? It's simpler that way... but I realized I was lying to myself and thank goodness I did not because I would have felt so incredibly horrible and hopeless. 

My meals today

Breakfast: 1 banana

                 27 emerald roasted almonds

Lunch: 2 pieces borriello brothers cheese pizza

           2 garlic knots ^^

In about an hour or two after I finish digesting my large lunch I'm going to drag myself to the gym to run 2-3 miles on the treadmill and possibly spend the rest of the hour on the elliptical.

Here we go again

Healthy n Shaz

I've packed muh eatin's for tomorrow!

Breakfast:
Cinnamon Banana and peach baked oatmeal
1 banana

Lunch:
1.5 tbsp maranatha almond butter
1 tbsp jelly
2 slices 45 cal Sara Lee Whole Grain bread
1/2 c. cottage cheese

Snacks:
Kashi TLC pecan pumpkin granola bar
Pear
Gogurt
1 c. sugar free jello

Dinner:
2.6 oz. chicken breast
2/3 c. roasted brussel sprouts
1/2 c. rosemary garlic couscous

Total of...badadadaddaadadadada (drumroll)

1,338 calories- 20% fat, 58% carb, 22% protein

Bazinga

Disney Princess Half Marathon!

It was AH-MAZING! And I'm counting down the days until next years race (because I'm soooo doing that one too!) I finished the race much slower than I wanted to at 3:11:22 but it's still faster than the last time I ran one at 3:17:something. So there's that.

So what am I doing now? Now I am training for the Nashville Rock n Roll Half Marathon on April 28. My goal for this is to stick to a training plan for the next 53 days until then. I really want to see how eating well and training hard will affect my time and my abilities. I didn't run for an entire month before the Disney Princess Half so I think that really affected my time.

However, I am still struggling with not eating well while I'm at work. My problem is that I get so stressed out from the kids screaming and throwing tantrums and all my duties that I have to get done and activities to take them to so I turn to food. It's the quickest easiest way to find comfort for me and it's always available. I really need to do some thinking about ways that I can deal with stress like that without turning to food. Also, I need to think about ways that I can prevent binges at work by planning ahead.

Tomorrow will be a long day, I work from 6 am to 7 pm so I'm planning on doing my lifting workout at work.

Day 2

Weight: 137.0

That's good, at least some of how much I weigh is bloat (yay). Today I'm super struggling with not overeating I'm not sure why. I feel like I've conditioned my body to want to eat when I'm bored or when I have too much on my mind. Like, it's my weigh to de-stress. Unfortunately, losing weight is stressful and which makes me want to eat which causes me to gain weight and need to diet and exercise. Unfortunate.

My current way to end my day is to go home and watch tv with my roomie or alone in my bedroom. I've gotten through 5 seasons of Greek on Netflix shockingly fast because of this..hmmm. I think I need to look at exercise after or before work as my way to deal with stress because eating is obviously not working.

So, as of right now I've stayed within my calories for today, but I'm pretty full so dinner will be light soup after I go running. Yesterday I didn't get to my running because every time I moved I wanted to puke I was so nauseous. I started a new pack of birth control on Sunday and I was having my adjustment period but so far so good for today!