Obviously I haven't written anything on this blog for a while. I lost my steam, my motivation, my mojo. Its sad but it's true. I weighed in at 133.8 this morning, not bad but not good. I've been struggling a lot with binge eating, in fact I'm seeking help about it. I went to my first therapy session today and I feel really drained and I am not in the mood to talk anymore.
Binge eating is a dark place to be. A dark place indeed. For the most part it happens for me at my job, when I have nothing going on, no mental stimulation. It's like a switch flips and my body goes numb and everything goes into autopilot and eats anything and everything in sight and it doesn't stop until I'm painfully full. I guess for now to help with things my therapist wants me to write my feelings out in a journal and keep note of what causes these binges.
Bingeing affects nearly every area of my life
1. I hide how much I eat from nearly everyone-- If you look in the bag I bring to work it is full of wrappers because I'm too embarrassed to throw them in the trash can in case they figured out how much I actually eat.
2. Bingeing stops me from getting to a lot of stuff, I cancel things if I binge, I don't work out if I binge because I'm painfully full, I don't eat out at awesome restaurants because I've already eaten so much prior to going out.
3. Also, eating too much causes weight gain (huge duh) and also gives me like permanent food baby. awkward.
4. Weight gain in turn affects my self-confidence in my relationship and social situations
Unfortunately all of this is happening around holiday season. I leave the day after tomorrow to go to TN to Andrew's family's house. I hate going there when I'm over weight, although realistically I am the smallest I've been when visiting, sad right?
Thanksgiving at his house will be tough, his mom is a fantastic cook with homemade breads and all sorts of good meals and sweets. Their milk literally comes straight from their cows and it's delicious-- but it also has more fat than whole milk. It makes delicious hot chocolate though...
Training is practically non-existent. I think about doing it and sometimes I go, but it follows no pattern. My lack of sleep and eating patterns have made training hard to keep up with. I still have about 14 weeks though to train and after thanksgiving week it'll be 13 weeks to train with a week off for Disney world. So I think I'm going to just follow a traditional 12 week program and really stick to it (I know, it's been said before)
Lastly, I started Weight Watchers again. Calorie counting became too obsessive for me and didn't allow me to have special treats like Weight Watchers does with the extra points that I get per week. So there's that
I'll be checking in much more often so I'll be see'in ya
